Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
