She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Randomize
