Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
