FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
