Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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