Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
they're like a gay fantastic four
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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