i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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