guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
