He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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