I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
