i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
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