we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Vodka?
Forever.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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