I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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