He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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