This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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