I will die if light touches me.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
