i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
