i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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