She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
