We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
