Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
