I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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