She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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