Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
