Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
