you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
