This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
