HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
