If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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