If i come over, it means nothing
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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