I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
