Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
