so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
