she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
