i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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