Your face is a jimmy john
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Randomize
