Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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