I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
