Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
