Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize