Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
