Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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