After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
