So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
