Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
