Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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