Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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