Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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