Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
