legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I deserve this hangover.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
