at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I wish you could order shots online.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
