So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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