I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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