My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I currently don't understand fingers.
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