if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Randomize
