it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
