ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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