i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
vagina is talking i cant
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
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