did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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