i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
you would pick up someone in the library
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
