He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize