I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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