i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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