I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
