i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
