and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
