Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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