he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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