Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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