girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
