honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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