I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My bed smells like the plague
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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