I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
