he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
